The jokes
A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.
When she gets home, her husband puts a blindfold on her and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold, the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing happy birthday!
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and his wheelchair?
At least his wheelchair can pull a woman.
If you look up the word "wheelchair" in a dictionary, you will see a picture of Stephen Hawking.
Did you hear about the car that turned into a wheelchair?
Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.
And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.
I went home and I saw my friend kissing my sister. I said, "What’s going on?" They both told me that they’re going out with each other. I said, "Alright."
The next morning, I see my friend kissing my mom. I said, "What’s going here?" They both told me they’re going out with each other. Then my friend said to me, "I gave you 3 gifts. 1 gift, I’m your best friend. 2 gift, I’m your new brother-in-law. 3 gift, I’m your new stepfather." I felt so happy I had a friend that [is] looking out for me.
One day I was going home, and 7 married men came to me and said, "You should be proud of your sister." I asked why. They told me it was the best that they ever had, and we got your sister a trophy.
So I went home, my sister said, "Look at my trophy I earned." The trophy said "The Best Blow Jobs." As a bro, I couldn’t be more prouder.
Q: Why did baby shark cross the Pacific Ocean?
A: To find his dad.
This had me wheezing 😂🤣😂🤣
There were ten in the bed and the little one said... "Roll over..."
If Stephen Hawking was a boxer, he would roll with the punches.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
It's me. I can't get in because Stephen Hawking is in the way.
Stephen Hawking was a spac. But if you put an E on the end, you get space, and he loved that.
On one hand he was fantastic and the other a spastic. You could say he was a fantastic spastic.
I found a rock at the park. I threw it at some orphans.
What would they do? Go to their family?
Why did my brother cross the road?
Because he was looking for his brain.
Toaster + Bath = The ultimate bath bomb!
My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!😂
Me thinking it's a gift from God: 🕴️😎
Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: He wiped his ass.
Why do orphans have water with their cereal? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
Ok ok ok so 7 ate 9, but why was 10 scared? Because it was in the middle of 9/11.