The jokes
The other day I started watching Game of Thrones.
I told my friend about it. Told him all about the violence, murder, decapitation, gore, sex, gay sex, midget sex, prostitution, rape, paedophilia, incest, and inbreeding... And he was like: "Oh, so you're still on the first episode then?"
What's the main similarity between an elementary school math class and the USA?
The class divides.
If you ever feel useless... Just remember that if you ever feel useless... Just remember that it took the US 4 presidents, trillions of dollars, thousands of lives, and 20 years to replace the Taliban with... the Taliban.
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
A fat man meets a skinny man.
The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."
And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."
If Jesus was real, they wouldn’t call it the crucifixion. They would call it crucifact.
What's the difference between depression and your ex?
Depression fucks you harder.
What type of pizza did the twin towers order?
Plain.
My favorite film is The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
I love a protagonist with a twisted back story.
My BALLS itched when I crashed the plane.
Yo mama so stupid, she told the police a kid raped her.
What game do emo kids hate the most?
Life.
Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?
A: It means cats and dogs can talk.
Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.
Kid: Runs home.
A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...
If you know, you know.
Yo mama was so big, she was the iceberg that sunk the Titanic.
Yo dad's so stupid, he came back with the milk!
I'm ashamed to admit feeling proud of the rape joke I posted and what went on between me and your mum.
Why did two 4s skip dinner? Because they already ate.
A woman went into her garden and danced in front of her vegetables.
The next morning, her corn didn’t grow, and the tomatoes didn’t blush or turn red, but the cucumbers grew four inches.
The kids at Robb Elementary School went in to read books. Instead, they got dozens of magazines.