The jokes

Did you hear about the cemetery? I heard that people are dying to be there.

I got so drunk with the guys yesterday that when the Uber driver asked how many drinks I had, I said, "Yes."

Yo mama so fat that the weighing scale said, "To be continued..."

What does my dad and the Twin Towers have in common? They used to be with us, now it's just a sensitive topic.

Orphan: I dip my Oreos in water.

Me: Why?

Orphan: Because my dad did not come back with the milk.

How do you get a fat kid to lose weight?

You pay the ice cream man to keep driving.

Thanks for the birthday wishes. It's been an odd one this year, as some of you know, my father suddenly passed away on my birthday last year, and anyone who knew the old man knew he had a sledgehammer wit!

Good on ya dad, ya definitely got the last laugh!

Man, I hate the government.

Why did the qack go duck?

I don't know, rhydon deez. 4x2=8

What's the difference between apples and orphans?

Apples get picked.

In the Bible, it says Jesus died for our sins, but he came back to life, so what did he sacrifice?

Was it a weekend to wash away our sins?

My sister said I was only allowed to grate cheese, so I said to her that I’d prove her wrong.

The next day my mum asked me why my cheese was tan, and I said it was my own special recipe. My mum loved the cheese but she didn’t like it much after the funeral.

Morbius is definitely one of the movies ever made. One of the movies of all time.

Bitch, I can make orange rhyme with banana. BORNANA.

Eating pork rinds, sword fightin' in pajamas at the crib playin' Fortnite with your grandma.

Can you imagine The Count from Sesame Street having sex? "1 orgasm..., 2 orgasm..., 3 orgasm..., ah ah ah!"

What do you get when you cross a cow and the Kool-Aid Man? Donald Trump, cuz of his red face and juicy tits.

The time is 9:11, time to put your phones on airplane mode.

What’s the favorite song of someone with an Oedipus Complex?

“My Mommy Comes Back”

Hi, I'm Saul Goodman. Did you know that you have rights? The Constitution says you do, and so do I. I believe that until proven guilty, every man, woman, and child in this country is innocent, and that's why I fight for you, Albuquerque!

Yo mama is so fat, a picture of her would fall off the wall.