The jokes

When your mom fell down, a 10 magnitude earthquake shook the Earth.

Literally every movie:

"I love you." "I love you, too."

My life:

My 'friends': "Hey, Hailey likes you!" Him: "Wtf, I have a girlfriend, sorry not sorry." His friends: Spreads the word throughout the whole goddamn country. 😶

Why were the Twin Towers mad when they ordered pizza?

They ordered pepperoni and got ✈️.

Yo mama is so fat that she stepped on the scale and it says, "Hey fat b****, break your fat a** in half so you won't weigh as much!"

Yo mama is so fat that she got on the scale, and it says, "Lose some pounds before you get on the scale, or it will break!"

When they say you live by the sword, you die by the sword, not in Paul Walker's case. He lived by the car, died by a tree. Well, I guess the car was stumped.

When you're working in the Twin Towers and your computer connects to the airplane wifi.

I used to have a son, but he died the same way Eric Clapton's son died. For inspiration.

One late night, my wife caught me standing in front of the freezer.

She asked me, "What are you doing?"

I replied, "I'm making a pink yeti."

She asked, "What does that mean?"

I said, "I left our kid in the freezer for a couple hours."

In chess, why does the queen have more mobility than the king?

Because the chessboard looks like a kitchen floor.

In some places in the world, you can't get an abortion even after rape. That's so fucked up.

You serve your time, you get out, and you STILL have to pay child support. What a nightmare.

What happens to the crow in the earthquake?

It turned into a milkshake. 🤔😂

What is the only video game to be ever made in Africa?

Where's My Water?

Bro, I’m so pissed. There is always that one kid in the class who the teacher helps. I hate that guy in the wheelchair.

If 6 was afraid of 7 because 7 ate 9, then why was 10 afraid?

Because 10 was in the middle of 9/11.

A blind man had an argument with a man in a wheelchair. The man in a wheelchair made fun of him saying, "look, there's a spider." The blind man simply said, "Step on it."

The first ever picture of a black hole got released. It sucks.

Me: What's the fifth month of the year?

Friend: May.

Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?

I kicked the shit out of Little Johnny.

There's a new game in the arcade where kids can hit raging paedophiles with a mallet: Whack-A-Jack, oh!