The jokes

Bro, Kobe Bryant is singing with the basketball team in his helicopter, celebrating right now, I bet.

Oh wait, I forgot.

At a party, a young wife admonished her husband, "That's the fourth time you've gone back for ice cream and cake. Doesn't it embarrass you?"

"Why should it?" answered her spouse. "I keep telling them it's for you."

Why don’t pirates take a shower before they walk the plank?

They just wash up on shore.

During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.

He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple always gets picked.

Yo mama's so fat, when she goes camping, the bears hide their food.

Did you hear the news? Michael Jackson died because he choked on 7-year-old nuts and balls.

Maybe if you get a better hairline, your dad will come back with the milk.

I got barred from Weight Watchers today.

It wasn't my fault; it was the fat ass next to me who spilled her box of Maltesers onto the floor in the middle of the room. All I did was say that it was the funniest game of Hungry Hungry Hippos that I have ever seen.

You're so black, when you get near the sun, we go into a solar eclipse.

What is the only place fat people live?

Obi-city.

People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, I missed three episodes.

Yo mamma so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," he was just asking her to get out the way.

Yo momma so fat, when she said, "Order in the court," she really meant burgers and fries.

Yo mamma so fat, she asked for a water bed, and they put a blanket over the Atlantic Ocean.

What did the orphan poker player say to the elder?

“Will you raise me?”

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apples get picked.

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

Did you know that they are making a movie about the four boys who lost their lives on the ice? They're calling the movie "The Lost Boys."