The jokes

10, being in the middle, tried to prevent 9/11 from getting closer.

Sorry, I meant 9 and 11.

The bully says, "Your mom!" The girl says, "Is sleeping with your dad."

For dinner, this girl had noodles. The next day, she could not find her skinny sister. The mom said, "Your sister is dead!" sadly. The girl asked, "She was skinny, right?" The mom said yes. The sister laughed, "I ate her! That’s why the noodles were very skinny!"

Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."

What is the difference between a baseball player and an orphan?

The baseball player has a home to run back to.

In the cute fantasies: "Est-ce que tu manges du poulet? Attendez une seconde, VOTRE PROFESSEUR VEGAN!!!!!"

In reality: "Are you eating chicken? Wait a second, YOUR THE VEGAN TEACHER!!!"

Bully says, "You are DISGUSTING!!!!!!"

The girl says, "Just like your face."

Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away... That is... if you throw it hard enough.

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a few hours. Light him on fire, he'll be warm the rest of his life.

When you're depressed about the world :( but you remember you will soon die :)

I put someone in a wheelchair into the fire and called him "hot wheels."

When your little brother knocks your two Jenga towers you made with his toy airplane,

You: "Hey, stop trying to recreate the Twin Towers!"

"Do you have a noose?"

"Nose?"

"Yeah, noose- nose... I heard yours was stuffed lately--haha."

"I actually smell something--like a corpse. Is it you?"

"No."

*Dying on the inside has never been so detectable.*

What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus? It only takes 1 nail to hang the picture.

Why didn't the boy like his Christmas presents? Hint: They were a soccer ball, bicycle, and running shoes.

Why did the orphan kill someone? Because it would make him wanted.

I'm gonna eat a hell of a lot of popcorn kernels before I die just to make the cremation a little more interesting.

"I miss you.

Being happy was never that hard without you..."

Someone's dad: You think he/she wants to join me? I didn't get the milk...

Is laughing a problem?

Laughing at what?

I want to jump.

Jump—what?

Jump off the hook.