The jokes
I might slide up to your block with intelligence. I'm a genius with a glock. There's some relevance. Took his chain, took his rocks. Took his sediments. There's no cap inside my speech. No impediments.
Putting numbers on the board, I use my calculator. Put a opp below the floor, he's a denominator. E = mc2, you didn't notice that? Had the shot, but he's too scared. Why didn't he buss it back?
What's the difference between an emo and a banana?
They both hang like apples.
A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.
The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”
The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”
A snake walks into the bar... the bartender says, "How the heck did you do that?"
Yo mama so stupid, she shoved a battery up her butt and said, "I GOT THE POWER!"
Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.
I went to the zoo the other day and it only had one dog... yeah, it was a shih tzu.
Mom, where are we going?
To your grandma's funeral.
Yeah, 'cause I 360 no-scoped that b*tch in the face.
What excuse can you use if you find out your date is a rape victim and you don't want the baggage?
Say you've parked your car in a bad spot and are just going to move it, then move your car all the way back to your home address.
What does Micheal Jackson and a rock have in common?
They are both hard.
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.
If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.
What’s the difference between the Twin Towers and McDonald's?
McDonald's has a drive through. Twin Towers has a fly through.
I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.
As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.
Lil Nas X is so gay, I would fuck him in the Old Town Road.
What is the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?
One of them is picked.
You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.
Q. What hits the ground first when falling out of a tree, a leaf or an emo kid? A. A leaf. There is usually a rope to stop the emo kid.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni but instead they got... Plane.