The jokes
What does Micheal Jackson and a rock have in common?
They are both hard.
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
What has 2 legs and loves to play with little kids? The local priest.
If I had a spray can, I would spray it on your ass. Because the instructions say to spray on flat surfaces.
What’s the difference between the Twin Towers and McDonald's?
McDonald's has a drive through. Twin Towers has a fly through.
I heard the Kardashians were going on a cruise soon.
As if there's not already enough plastic in the ocean.
Lil Nas X is so gay, I would fuck him in the Old Town Road.
What is the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?
One of them is picked.
You wanna know proof that cats don't always land on their feet? Well then, watch The Lion King.
Q. What hits the ground first when falling out of a tree, a leaf or an emo kid? A. A leaf. There is usually a rope to stop the emo kid.
Why were the Twin Towers mad? Because they ordered pepperoni but instead they got... Plane.
You're so short, when it rains you're the last one to know.
Me: Mom, if Adam and Eve are white, then how were slaves made?
Mom: Well, Eve and the monkey fucked each other.
Me: Oh, okay.
Goes to school.
Teacher: How were humans made?
Me: Eve fucked the monkeys.
Teacher: 😑
The existence of the word "priest" implies the existence of "prier" and "pri".
There was once a grandfather. He had very little hair, and he lived in a forest.
On his death bed, he was fully bald. So he told his children, "You see my head? I have no hair. All of my hair has been wiped, and I hope this forest doesn't experience the same. Children, every time a tree is cut in this forest, plant a new one in its place."
So for years, and to this day, that forest still stands, each tree being replanted. All because of an old man and his re-seeding hairline.
Why did the Twin Towers go to Uber Eats?
Because they wanted something plain.
Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9.
But why was 10 scared? Because he is right in the middle of 9/11!
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
What is the difference between a feminist and a gorilla? One of them is fat and hairy, while the other one has a functional brain (the gorilla, of course).
I made this up.
I was watching a school baseball game, and I was yelling at a kid to take it home. He took the bat and threw it, and then ran away. I asked the teacher/coach what the problem was, and he said the kid was an orphan, and I started laughing so hard.
Later that night, I wondered where he stormed off to after he threw the bat, and I thought to myself, "Not home."