The jokes
Yo mom's so old, she went into the museum and walked out with a raise.
Q: Why was the gay man fired from the sperm bank?
A: He got caught drinking on the job.
Q: Why was the 4 year old anti-vaxer crying?
A: He was in a mid-life crisis.
Why is the Leaning Tower of Pisa leaning?
It has better reactions than the Twin Towers.
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
"Meet the Family."
Q: What do you call a black prostitute in space?
A: The Blackhole.
Q: What's the difference between a suicide vest and a feminist?
A: At least one does something when it is triggered.
Where would the next Formula race happen?
Answer: On your flat chest.
What did the cow say?
Moo!
In Boston we say,
"Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, unzipped his fly and said ‘Hey Jill, you wanna?’ Jill said yes, unzipped her dress, and then they had a ‘daughta’" 🤣
Why should you never give an orphan a phone?
Because they wouldn't be able to find the home button.
Yo mama's so dumb, she waited until the stop sign turned blue.
Yo mama's so fat, when she got pregnant, she fell to the earth's core.
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
Two guys walk into a bar. The third guy ducks.
Be smart, not stupid.
Why shouldn't orphans get a phone?
They would get stuck in an app because they can't find the home button.
Q: What do you call a group of transgender women?
A: The X-Men.
Why are Americans bad at chess? They lost their towers.
Joe: What do the Leafs and the Titanic have in common?
Ben: I don't know.
Joe: They both look good until they hit the ice.
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
Why did the white girl come back from Africa?
Because there was no water for her to drink. I'm black.