The jokes
The grapes in the supermarket are really raisin' the bars...
Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"
Where can you find the freshest vegetables? A school for the disabled!
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
To get to the other preschool.
Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."
What did the mother cow say to the baby cow?
"It's pasture bed time."
Why was the cow afraid?
He was a cow herd.
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
What's the difference between Mexicans and stoners? Stoners actually have papers.
Why did the bank robber shoot the man with no arms?
Because he told the man to put his hands up.
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
We should stop taking the piss out of Asian people. I mean, they already have enough on their plates... like cats and dogs.
Why did everyone quit the high school volleyball team? To join Coach Kyle's team, of course!
"So you dropped my instruments on stage?"
"It was only the Bass!"
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
Man: I got fired from my job at the calendar factory.
Lady: What did you do?
Man: I took a day off...
What did the pot say to the kettle?
"To lick the spoon."
What did the pot say to the kettle?
"To lick the s*** spoon."
What's the difference between you and Hitler?
Hitler knew when to kill himself.
Someone stole my toilet, and the police have nothing to go on.