The jokes

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That's the best I've done so far.

How do you stay warm in a cold room?

You go to the corners. It's always 90 degrees.

Q: What’s the difference between a priest and McDonald’s?

A: Nothing! They both stick their meat in 10 year old buns.

What is the similarity between a joke and food?

Some people just don't get them!

Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide?

Dave: No.

Jason: Well, he hit his first target.

Q: Why did the teacher die?

A: Because he hated his life.

What is the difference between a Rubik’s cube and a penis? I don’t know, but they both get harder the more you play with them.

I put the sexy in dyslexia.

What did the car say when it crashed? That's wheely unfortunate!

What happened to the man who made too many bad jokes? He served out a cruel and unusual PUNishment.

Thor is so gay he farts the rainbow bridge to Asgard.

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."

How do Asians name their kids? They drop spoons and forks down the stairs. Chin Chan Chon.

What did the white girl say to the black girl?

"Where's the back?"

A little boy went to church. The priest said, "Get in the following positions: stand, then kneel, then bow." The little boy replies, "Can you hurry up and f**k me already?"

What did the penis say to the condom?

"Cover me, I'm going in!"

Why was the Milky Way remembered...

Because it's... DELICIOUS!

What's the definition of total chaos?

A bus load of retards passing a magnet factory.

So, I was fucking my daughter the other night, and I don't know what was funnier, the look on my wife's face, or the fact the abortion clinic let me keep her.