The jokes
What’s the best thing about 28 year olds?
There’s 20 of them.
Bought my son a trampoline for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"
The horse replies, "My wife just died of cancer, and my alcohol addiction is tearing my family apart."
The bartender responds, saying "Oh" sympathetically. "Sucks to be you!" the bartender yells, throwing a bottle of wine at the horse.
Why did the baseball player get arrested? He tried to steal third.
Girls Are Yummy Stupid
Are Really Erectable
Tasty Honey Ejaculable
Booty Everything Sucking Titties
Gays don't be mad, read the first letter of every word :D
Why couldn’t the house see?
The blinds were down.
Person: I'd really like it if you'd stop saying my name all the time.
Random Person: Cheesus! That hurt!
Person: SERIOUSLY!?!?
What did the boy say to the girl? "Damn! You pissy, stank!"
What did the dalmatian dog say after he finished his meal?
"That hit the spot?"
A man with 20 dollars walked into Dave & Buster's. He went to the bathroom to wash his hands. He walked out without any clothes but still has his money.
What's the difference between depression and a girl?
XXXTentacion can't seem to beat depression.
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
How do you know you're following a DeLorean? The white line disappears.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!
I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.
What do dairy products praise? Cheeseus.
What is a pirate's favorite letter? You might think it’s the "R," but it’s actually the "C".
What did John Cena say to the blind man? "YOU CAN'T SEE ME!"
When I get naked in the bathroom... the shower usually gets turned on!