The jokes
What kind of containers does the Pope keep his vegetables in?
Vat-I-cans!
Why did the chef cook his eggs on the golf course? Because he wanted them par-boiled!
Why could the blind man not see?
Answer: Because he is blind.
I was going to watch the origami world championships before it folded.
But it was only on paper view.
What does a priest hold on to when having sex?
He holds on to the schoolbag.
I can't decide which side to take on abortion; on one hand it kills babies and on the other it gives women a choice...
Are guys scared of the word "Choppiness"?
Because it is literally saying "chop-penis."
What's the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
Did you hear about the blonde that worked at the Dollar Store?
She called for a price check.
I once had a trash can as a girlfriend.
I was ready to break up with her, but all she had to say was, "Please don't dump me!" Then I said, "Sorry, I'm ready to take out the trash."
Did you try the digital egg padlock? Because it is very easy to crack the code.
When you have a box of dead babies in your garage and one of them is alive at the bottom and has to eat its way out but goes back for seconds.
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the "p" is silent.
How do fish get to school?
By the octobus.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, it just waved.
How do you know that the U.S. sucks at chess?
They lost two towers.
What's the best thing about dead baby jokes?
They never grow old.
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
Why did the black guy cross the road? Because he wanted to.