The jokes
What's the difference between a feminist and a suicide vest?
At least one does something when it is triggered.
What's the difference between a shooter and a bullied autistic kid? It depends on who's shooting.
If I'm the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a guardian of the galaxy?
I lost my job at a research facility. The people were too chill for me.
Two persons were in a car. The brakes were broken and they were going so fast that they would crash and die.
The driver said: "Oh no! We will die!" but the person sitting next to him replied: "Don't panic, the stop sign at the end of the road will stop us."
Why was Jesus not good at Basketball?
Because he died in the Cross 😈
I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.
Chuck Norris lit a campfire, and humans saw the sun for the first time.
How do you confuse a blonde? Put it in a circle and tell it to sit in the corner.
The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!
"I'm sorry" and "I apologize" mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
Where did Lucy go during the bombing?
Everywhere.
So a guy is walking with a young boy into the woods.
The boy turns to the man and says, "Hey mister, it's getting dark out, and I’m scared... Can we go back now?"
So the man says: "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone!"
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant.
After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!”
She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”
To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Chuck Norris and Superman had a bet. The loser had to wear their underwear on their pants.
Why was the sea so friendly? Because it gave a little wave.
According to all known laws of aviation, a bee should not be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground, but of course, bees fly anyway because bees don't care about what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, Black. Yellow, Black.
Why did the guitarist go to prison?
'Cause he fingered A minor.
How long does it take for 5 babies to die in the microwave?
I don't know, I can't count while I masturbate...
Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road?
It got stuck in a crack.