The jokes
Humpty Dumpty fell off the wall, his mom did a terri-fried call.
He got hurt in a egg-cident, and it never got eggs-elent.
When the eggs-plant was over, he got told to use the mower.
It happened too fast, he watched the very last.
Next he died, eaten all fried.
What did the blind deaf orphan child get for Christmas?
cancer.
American: I've never shot a gun.
African: That's the first coming from an American!
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor?"
What's the best thing about having sex with a 26-year-old?
There's 20 of them.
What's the difference between a baby and an onion?
One screams when I peel its skin off.
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."
One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.
A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
What gang was Stephen Hawking in? The Crips.
Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?
Because he rolled over to the other side!
You know you trip and fall. Here is the funny joke: Did you have a nice trip?
There's a sexy milf that lives next door. The only thing better is her 8 Y/O.
They don’t have to invest a lot into the Stephen Hawking wax statue, though.
I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.
The Smithsonian has 3 notable articles of clothing on display: Mr. Rodger's sweater, Jerry Seinfeld's puffy shirt, and Stephen Hawking's drool rag.