The jokes
What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a baby? The baby is still alive.
What’s the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese person
You have to drop the bomb twice before they get the message
Why does the Norway navy have barcodes on the sides of their ships?
So when they return to port, they can Scandinavian.
When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"
One cow asks another cow, "Are you afraid of mad cow disease?"
The other cow says, "Why should I be? I'm a helicopter."
One day a boy asks his grandfather for some money, and the grandpa says, “Well, can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy replied, “No.” So the grandpa says, “Okay,” and leaves it at that and walks off.
A few years later, the boy asks his grandfather for some money again, and his grandfather once again asks, “Can your dick touch your asshole?” To which the boy proudly says, “Yes, it can.” To which the grandpa says, “Good, now go fuck yourself.”
A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother, but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says, “Well, all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket.” So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says, “Dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”
What gang was Stephen Hawking in? The Crips.
Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?
Because he rolled over to the other side!
You know you trip and fall. Here is the funny joke: Did you have a nice trip?
There's a sexy milf that lives next door. The only thing better is her 8 Y/O.
They don’t have to invest a lot into the Stephen Hawking wax statue, though.
I tried to take a fog machine, but I took the wrong one. Needless to say, it was a big mist-take.
The Smithsonian has 3 notable articles of clothing on display: Mr. Rodger's sweater, Jerry Seinfeld's puffy shirt, and Stephen Hawking's drool rag.
What did the deaf, dumb, and blind kid get for Christmas?
Answer: cancer.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowgirl?
Snowballs.
What did one wall say to the other wall?
Meet you at the corner!
How to decorate a wall:
Strip off the paper and original plaster.
Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.
Paint it (if you want).
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.
Did you hear about the guy that was cutting off people's feet and taking them?
It took my sole.
Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."