The jokes
You. You're the joke.
What did one brain cell say to the other brain cell?
"I think I feel a connection!"
What did the comedian say when he walked into a bank?
"This is a stand-up."
I only listen to waltz 3/4 of the time.
You were born on the freeway, you know why?
Because that's where a lot of accidents happen. 😈
Why did the bike fall over?
'Cause it was wheely tired.
Why was the German in a hurry?
Because he was Rush-ian to get to work.
Woman: "Doctor, where are we going?"
Doctor: "To the morgue."
Woman: "I'm not dead yet, doctor."
Doctor: "We're not at the morgue yet, either."
How did the air beat me at chess? It did that thing, haha!
It was so windy I saw a chicken lay the same egg twice!
The lady was so fat that when she stepped on the scale, the scale responded with, "I need your weight, not your phone number!"
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
When my computer crashes, I actually give a fuck.
I'm not going to bungee jump. I was born because of broken rubber and I'm not gonna die the same way.
By the way, could you tell me an elevator pun? I can't seem to "come up" with one myself.
I fell from the stairs the other day. It really "got me down."
I am sorry, but the input "Fuck" is not sufficient to generate a joke. I need more content to work with to create a humorous narrative or pun.
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her head? She answered the iron.
How'd she burn the other side? They called back.
So I was on Google, and on my computer it had Windows. When Stephen Hawking died, it shut down, the shutdown sound played, and wouldn't turn on again.
What can you tell [is] the difference between Stephen Hawking and a carrot?
Nothing.
Tiresome is the quantification of tire.