The jokes
A mother and her 7 year old child are walking in the grocery store. The young boy then screams to a random woman “you're an ugly bitch.”
The mother grabs her son and says, “I’m so sorry, I must have told him a thousand of times to not judge people on how they look."
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
Anyone know how to get an A on the "An Inspector Calls" section of the GCSE paper?
How do we know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
Because they found her head and shoulders in the glovebox.
The doctor says to the woman, "There was good and bad news." The woman says she wants the bad news first. The doctor says, "The bad news is the baby had red hair." Then he said, "The good news is, it is dead."
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!
My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.
"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"
"To the morgue."
"What? But I’m not dead yet!"
"And we’re not there yet."
What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.
You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.
Titanic: "And I'm nominating everyone on board for the Ice Bucket challenge!"
So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.
Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"
The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."
Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"
The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."
What did the basketball say to the Frisbee... "No balls."
The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
Why did James fall off the swing?
He had no arms.
What's the most horrifying video in the world?
Logan Paul vlogs.
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite dance move? The worm.
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.
What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.
What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?
I care when my computer crashes.