The jokes

My friend surprised me for my birthday with a book called ‘Road-Kill Recipes’. I did find some roadkill the other day, so I cooked it according to one recipe and it was delicious. I’m just not sure what I should do with the bicycle.

"Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?"

"To the morgue."

"What? But I’m not dead yet!"

"And we’re not there yet."

What do you get when you cross a bunny and a Rottweiler? Just the Rottweiler.

You're the bunny, and I'm the Rottweiler.

Titanic: "And I'm nominating everyone on board for the Ice Bucket challenge!"

So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child.

Soon, a feathered creature comes out. "Doctor," says Satan, "What is it?"

The doctor sighs. "Well, it's not a boy, and it's not a girl."

Satan looks frustrated. "THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?"

The doctor looks up. "It's a goose."

What did the basketball say to the Frisbee... "No balls."

The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.

Why did James fall off the swing?

He had no arms.

What's the most horrifying video in the world?

Logan Paul vlogs.

What is Stephen Hawking's favorite dance move? The worm.

Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got to see either of them, and they are now extinct.

What type of lettuce did they serve on the Titanic? - Iceberg.

What's the difference between Paul Walker and my computer?

I care when my computer crashes.

Recently, I've found out my wife has been cheating on me for the past 3 weeks with a baker downtown in Manhattan, New York, thinking I wouldn't find out. Irony of it all, she received a yeast infection.

What did the cow tell an Indian?

Moo!

What did the Indian say to the cow?

I lowe you, moo than anything.

Why did the Indian cross the road?

To run away from the Pakistani.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a tap?

The tap can run.

How did the blind girl get a date?

She said it was love at first sight.

Lesbians and blind women wear the same clothes.