The jokes
I was in a maze and I got to the end and they congratulated me. I said that was a-maze-ing!
Hey Jonny, you can buy a...
Pun o' chips at the store!
What did the man say when he swallowed a clock and tried to go to the bathroom?
WATCH OUT!!!
The earth is flat.
What type of pizza did the 9/11 victims order? Two planes.
Why couldn't the T-Rex clap?
Because he's dead.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, "I blew like 20 bucks in there!"
Have you heard about the lemming that jumped off a cliff into an ocean?
I heard it was because of pier pressure.
How do skeletons talk to each other? By the telebone.
I've patched 1,000 roofs, and they don't call you Boris the roof patcher. I've built 100,000 swords and shields, and they don't call you Boris the blacksmith, but you fuck one goat!
What’s bad about swinging a dead baby above your head?
Stopping it with the shovel!
What’s the difference between 80 dead babies and a Lambo? I don’t have a Lambo in my garage.
What was the last thing to run through Osama bin Laden's mind? Probably a bullet.
What did the American say to the Russian?
"Why are you always Russian?"
Q) What was the last pizza delivery to 9/11?
A) Two large planes.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he's drinking a magical drink. He asks, "What's so magical about it?" The guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. The other tries, but falls off and dies.
The bartender shakes his head and says, "Y'know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk, Superman."
A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I'm sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live."
The man says "10!? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?"
The doctor calmly replies "Nine".
What's the difference between a businessman and a businesswoman? Wo!
There was a guy I knew who owned a foot-high piano player.
He had found a magic lamp and rubbed it. The genie popped out and gave him one wish.
The guy thinks the genie was a bit deaf, as all he got was a 12" pianist.
Why did Shawn suddenly fly to Mount Everest, leaving behind friends, family, and food?
Someone told him that "Shelby"'s coming 'round the mountain.