The jokes
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Not Sally.
A young boy enters a barber shop, and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
"Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied:
"Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!"
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender said, "Why the long face?"
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
Why don't we wrestle bears?
The pain is un-bearable.
Why are Mexicans so bad in the Olympics?
Because all the ones that can run, jump, and swim live in America.
Where did Sally go during the summer? Swimming.
My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.
Women are like grenades: you pull the ring and BOOM, the house is gone!
My mom said, "Take out the trash," and I said, "Okay." The next day she asked, "Where is your sister?" and I said, "In line to get crushed."
This website sucks, it never cites the correct information.
What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon? One smashes open when you hit it with a sledgehammer, and the other is a watermelon.
What happens once every minute, twice every millennium, but never in a hundred years?
The letter M.
I saw an ISIS video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."
Where did Sally go during the bombing? Everywhere!
What's worse than Sally in a trash can? Sally in thirteen trash cans.
Why did the van cross the road?
To get to the school for the little kids.
The shovel is a ground breaking invention.
*Slaps and laughs*
Chuck Norris is the opposite to Oliver Savage.
A man and a boy are walking into a forest. It begins to get dark. The boy says "Mister, I'm scared." The man replies "How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone."
The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs.