The jokes
Why does Mexico not have a good athletics team? Because anyone who can run or jump is already over the wall.
Why wasn’t the duck afraid to cross the road? Because he wasn’t chicken!
Your forehead looks like the inside of a Malteser.
What are the similarities between an American teen and an old Muslim man?
They both choose who they want.
Why can't Americans trade with other countries? We lost the trading center!
Why did the cat meow?
Because it's a cat, and they meow.
Why did Steven Hawking die?
He lost Wi-Fi connection and didn't get the data plan.
Q: How come in airports, they park the planes outside?
A: They don't belong in buildings.
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her, "Doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?" The doctor says, "My number."
A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
A farmer walks up to his farmer neighbor with a jug of milk. The farmer says, "I milked your cow." The neighbor replies, "I have a bull, not a cow."
How do you turn a duck into a soul singer?
Put him in the microwave until his bill Withers.
The boy ran into the gym, why?
Because he wanted to ketch-up with everyone. Also, he got pun-ishment from his "momster."
A black man walked into a bar. Another guy invited him over for a drink. They spent the rest of the night drinking and having a good time.
A 60 year old man said his wife called him a paedophile the other day, strong words for a 6 year old.
What did the porg say to the porg?
Hi Porg.
You're on worst jokes ever. You thought I put up a good joke? HAHAHAH!
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
What’s the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus?
They’re both saying “Oh my god my mom’s gonna kill me!”