The jokes
Whats the difference between NASA and religion
NASA takes you through space Religion takes you through two towers
What's the difference between a baby and a sandwich?
I don't f**k a sandwich before I eat it.
A man and a cow walk into a McDonalds, and the man walks up to the front counter and says, “I’d like one beef burger.” The employee of McDonalds said, “Sure thing sir, also I really like to see your cow, may I bring him into the back room really quick to show my co-workers?” The man says, “Sure.” The employee takes the cow into the back room. A couple minutes later, the employee came back with his burger. The man took a bite of it, and realized his cow was gone.
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
He wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
Chuck Norris once ran all the way around the equator and kicked himself in the back.
Aj died in a bar.
The end.
Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.
Did you hear about the guy who invented the first knock knock joke?
He won the No Bell Prize!
Did you know that when pigeons have sex, they die?
Really?
Well, the one I fucked did.
Wanna hear a joke?
Yeah.
...
What's the joke?
I said it already!
What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest? One cuts them off and one sucks them off.
What’s the hardest part of a veggie to eat?
The wheelchair.
Q: A mom had 5 children: January, February, March, April. What is the name of the fifth child?
A: What.
Three blonde girls are on an island, and they are much too far away from land to swim. They find a genie on the island who offers them each one wish. The first girl says, "I wish I was smart enough to get off this island!" So the genie makes her a redheaded girl, she cuts down a tree, makes it into a boat, and proceeds to row off the island.
The next girl says, "I wish I was even smarter than her so I don't have to do so much manual labor!" So she turns into a brunette and makes a sailboat and lets the wind take her off the island.
The final girl says, "I wish I was smarter than both of them!" So she turns into a man and takes the bridge.
What's the hardest part when making skimmed milk?
Throwing the cow across the lake.
What's the best cure for aging? Suicide.
Did you know that graveyards are the most popular place in the world?
Yeah, people are just DYING to get in there...
A blond-haired girl, a brown-haired girl, and a ginger-haired girl were out walking when they came across some tracks.
The brown-haired girl looked at them and said, "I think they are elephant tracks."
Then the ginger-haired girl looked at the tracks and said, "No way, they are definitely duck tracks."
Finally, the blond-haired girl bent down to examine the tracks when she got hit by the train.
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to.
He says to the first one, "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny."
He says to the second one, "You are addicted to food, you named your daughter Candy."
Then the third one whispers to her son, "Come on, Dick, let's go."