The jokes
Why do they have air conditioning in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
What's Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?
The New York Jets.
You're American when you go in the bathroom, and you're American when you come out, but what are you when you are still in the bathroom? European (you're-a-peein').
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she didn’t have any arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
I don't know if this is a joke or a question, but:
If killing yourself sends you to hell, where does sitting in the waiting room get you?
What did the cancer cell say to its neighbor?
"Mind if I join you?"
Do you know who didn't graduate high school this year?
The Parkland kids.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To go to the bitch house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Q: Why was the leper hockey game cancelled?
A: There was a face off in the corner.
What do chairs spend on the most?
Chair-ity.
What did the condom say when he came out of a gay guy's asshole?
He said, "Fuck this shit!"
A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?"
His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes."
The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?"
"His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking."
The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister."
The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father."
"No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."
What do you call the girl with no arms and no legs?
Names.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.
Cancer jokes really grow on you--unlike the patients' hair.
This is really mean...
A man put a blind man in a circular room and said, "Your dinner's in the corner."
He died because he rolled too far away from the wall outlet and got unplugged.
How is the world like dirt?
Because we don't think twice about it.
Dead people jokes are the best, they're ground breaking.
Why did the chicken ride across town? Because he was being taken to Tyson.