The jokes
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock, knock. "Who's there?" Not Sally.
What do you call the people in the Challenger explosion?
Ashtraynauts.
Why did the researchers want all the shore birds high on marijuana?
They wanted to leave no tern unstoned.
What did the Olympic Swimmer call his son?
Paul.
A father and a son were painting pictures together. The son and father were drawing the exact same thing to a T, and the son said, "What happened to your hand?" looking at the scar tissue near the father's knuckle. The father replied with, "You know what happened, you were there." The son continues to deny this until they both finish their paintings. They're exactly the same.
The father passes out for a few hours and wakes up to find that there's only one painting.
What's the difference between George Bush and Donald Trump?
One is into airline security, and one is into wall, turrets, and rockets.
What's the similarity between George Bush and Donald Trump?
It just doesn't work...
Where do you take Stephen Hawking when he dies?
The Apple repair store.
I would say a good joke, but all the good ones Argon.
What's the difference between an ISIS training center and a school?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
I got some new jeans yesterday, until I realized they didn't fit me around the waist, so I went looking for a belt. I couldn't find one. Then I had a really good idea. I could attach a ton of watches together to make a belt! But then I just thought it was a waste of time.
So, a kid walks in the house and says, "Mommy, Mommy, I found daddy!" And the mother says, "Stop digging around in the garden, and let your father rest in peace."
Why didn’t the construction worker build a bridge?
He was scared to get across.
Why is the elephant headed God the true God?
Because he doesn't exist!
I was at the store during a storm one time. I guess you could say it was story.
What is the opposite of salt water?
Pepper water.
Only one band is capable of affording the insurance on supercars. UB40!
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?
One is Catholic.
Are you in the alphabet 'cause I wanna give you the D.
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
What happened when Obama ran for president?
The whole US thought, "Holy hell, it's Osama bin Laden!" Thought he was dead.