The jokes
Gaston gets the no-Belle prize! :D
I was eating my cereal while watching the news, then I saw my cereal on the news, saying he was a "serial" killer.
I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"
The guy who made the knock knock joke deserves a no-bell prize.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
Superman was flying one day when he saw Wonder Woman laying by the pool completely naked. He thought, "I can fuck her so fast she wouldn't even know what happened." So he then flew down to the pool and did fuck her.
Wonder Woman stood up and said, "What was that?" The Invisible Man said, "I don't know, but my asshole stinks!"
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
Because he wasn’t wearing his seat belt.
What did the plug hole say to the plug? "We are so in sync."
One dog said to the other dog, "Man, it is hard sleeping on the floor."
The other said, "Really? I like my bed."
What's the difference between a spare tire and dead hookers? I don't have 8 spare tires in my trunk.
What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
A rich man paid for a trip to space, but he couldn't go because the rocket was damaged. He received a refund and an apology.
Yo mama is so ugly, even the ugliest person in the world looked like a sword standing next to her.
Somebody called the cops for a school shooting, what a snitch!
Why did Timmy throw the clock out the window?
It reminded him of Arnold Clock, the man convicted of knife raping his wife.
A man gets captured by cannibals.
Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
Sometimes I look in the mirror and go, "What happened?"
What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?
At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.
DO Not Touch - the worst thing you can read in Braille.
The other day I pushed a Chinese woman off the Golden Gate Bridge. I was Wong on so many levels.