The jokes
What's the worst thing about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
A cop sees an old woman carrying two large sacks. One of the sacks has a hole and is leaking 20 dollar bills.
The cop asks the woman, "Where did an old lady like you get all of that money?"
She replies, "Well, there's a golf course behind my house and when golfers need to go to the bathroom, they stick their penis through a hole in my fence and pee into my yard. It became a problem because it kills the flowers."
The cop asks, "So what did you do about it?"
The old lady says, "I get my hedge clippers and I wait behind the fence. When a golfer sticks his penis through the fence, I grab ahold of it and shout GIVE ME $20 OR IT COMES CLEAN OFF!"
"That seems fair enough," the cop says, "so what's in the other sack?"
The old lady replies with, "Not everyone pays..."
When you’re hunting at a forest resort and you shoot a deer, but then you remember that there are no deer at the forest resort.
You are about to hear the funniest joke ever.
My life.
Why aren’t koalas actual bears?
They don’t meet all the koalifications!
What’s the difference between prison and concentration camps?
At least you don’t die when you shower.
What was the knight's name that sat at the round table?
Circumference.
Why didn’t the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it got stuck in a crack.
What did the girl get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Stop complaining. Pedophile jokes are pretty funny, but to say there are over 100 of them only to have repeats of the same joke told by different people is very disappointing.
What's the difference between eggs and you? Eggs get laid, you don't.
Q: What did the cannibal say to the leper?
A: You gonna eat that?
Spock went to the Enterprise's toilet and he knocked on it. "Kirk, are you in there?" Spock asked.
Kirk answered, "Hold on, I am making a captain's log."
What is your arm's favorite military branch? The army.
What's the difference between a boy and gold?
More people want gold.
Yo mama so stupid that when she went to see Fast and Furious 8, she was bringing her car to the theater.
My dad is like the female wage gap: nonexistent.
Sans: I like eating ketchup, don't believe me? It's ASRIEL as it gets!
UT Sans to UT pap: You FORGHETTIE the spaghetti!!!
Ink sans: umm lust? That's INKAPPROPRIATE!
Fell sans: I hate these double standards...if you burn a body at a crematorium you're doing "a good job," do it at home and your "destroying evidence."
Error sans: Every time you make a typo, the errorists win.
What's the difference between Mark Zuckerberg and a lizard?
There is no difference.
What’s the difference between a bullet and a prostitute? They both burst a barrel.