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The jokes

What’s the similarity between your uncle and your hands?

They can both do dirty things.

What was Stephen Hawking's favorite childhood song? "The wheels on the chair go round and round....."

What's the difference between an elephant and a feminist?

The feminist is overweight.

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    • Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."

  • 9

    • How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb?

    None, because they beat the room for being dark, then arrest the room for being broke.

  • 6

    • A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?

    On the COWch (couch).

  • 2

    • The Man: "Sonny, why do you come to get some milk every day?"

    The Son: "Because milk is important."

    The Man: "Why don't you ever come with your mom?"

    The Boy: "Who?"

    The Man: "Your mom?"

    The Boy: "I don't have a mom."

    The Man: "I'm sorry for your loss."

    The boy stared for a moment when two men came out of the vehicle and picked up the boy.

    I know people don’t really like cat puns, but mine are PURRety good.

    Did you CATch that one? No? Because you are in a bad mood? You should WISKER those feelings away. We should PAWnder ways to fix your mood. Just remember to keep CLAWing at the problem. I am glad I can help MEW.

    Friend: I got bit.

    Other friend: By what?

    Friend: A dog.

    Other friend: (Runs away and the next day you know everyone is wearing a mask and the friend gets expelled because of rabies.)

    Once I had a cat. The cat liked human beverages.

    One day I decided to throw a party. The cat went over to get some soda. There was a line. I told him that he needed to wait in line. The line was too long for the cat. Then he walked to the punch bowl. He saw that there was no punch line. Very much like this joke.

    Once my cat was playing video games. I was OVERWATCHing him.

    I asked him to PAWS the game. He then hissed at me. I was surprised; he usually has a good PURRsonality. He said he YARNED to play the game.

    What's the most between my uncle and aunt?

    My aunt waited until I was 14 to come on my face.