The jokes
When the school shooter is just about to leave your classroom, and you think you're in the clear, but the Down syndrome kid says, "Goodbye."
So I was visiting my friends Timmy and Tommy at the phone store and I said, "A. T&T!"
Why can’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts.
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead walked into a bar. The bartender told them there was a magic mirror in the bathroom. He said that if you spoke the truth in front of the mirror, you would have your greatest desires, but if you told a lie, you would disappear.
The redhead said that she was the prettiest girl in the bar, and she walked out of the bathroom, and she got a thousand dollars. The brunette walked in and said she was the smartest one in the bar. She walked out of the bar with a new car. The blonde went in, she said, "I think..." poof, she was gone.
Three guys are escaping from North Korea through a tunnel.
The guards know that they are coming and will shoot them with paintball guns as a warning.
The guys show up and the guards shoot them.
The guys die because the guards used real guns.
I had the worst day of my life. My 13 year old ex got killed and I got fired from my job as a police guard. Did I mention that we were in Syria?
What's the difference between a pope/preacher and acne?
Acne comes on your face when you're 13.
This is a Rickroll. The joke is that you thought you were going to get something else, but instead you got Rickrolled.
Why did Sally drown in the pool?
She didn't have any arms, remember!
Why did Sally drown in the pool?
She had no arms, remember.
Where do you take your pig to karate?
The pork chop class!
After sleeping with her boyfriend for the first time, the lead singer of Blackbriar told her friend all about it: "Ik zora cock!"
What's green and smells like bacon?
Kermit the frog's finger.
What did one pillow say to the other?
Nothing, meh, they just sang a song about a rogue chicken whose feathers had been sacrificed to make them.
What is the similar thing between alcohol and anal sex?
They are not for kids.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator. He says to the bartender, "I have a deal, if I can hold my dick in the alligator's mouth for a minute without it biting, you owe me one drink." And so the bartender agreed.
The man, like he said, had his dick in the alligator's mouth for one minute without it biting, and the bartender gave him a drink. He made another deal, but for two minutes and for two drinks. Sure enough, he was able to do it and he drank his drinks. Then he did it for five minutes and five drinks. He did it and drank his drinks. Then he said to the amazed crowd, "Would anyone like to volunteer?" One man raised his hand. He walked up to the man with the alligator and said, "Just a warning, I don't think I can hold my mouth open that long."
You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
Roses are red, the sky is blue, what do you do? Oh, never mind, I'm not homo like you.
What did one tree say to the tree that was a bully? "LEAF me alone."
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker?
Hookers come back.