The jokes
What’s the difference between a 5.7l v8 and a dead baby?
If you lift the hood on my car, you won’t find a 5.7l v8.
What is red, white, and blue and makes me proud to live in this country?
The baby in the corner I choked, stabbed, and then came on.
What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..
There is none.
Why did the man die of the actor's performance?
The performance was unbeLIVEable!
What's the difference between a yandere and a gun?
Nothing.
Flip them off the wrong way and you're dead.
Sans: Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Papyrus: Because they looked like me?
Sans: ... Sure.
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it wanted to be Argon.
Why did the electron leave the atom?
Because it had its ion someone else.
Where did Janet go during the bombing? Everywhere.
What does a lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?
"Same time next month?"
What's worse than a truck full of dead babies? One alive at the bottom.
Two men are in a rainforest, and one of them is peeing. Suddenly, a snake jumps out of some bushes and bites the man’s penis. The other man says, “Oh my God, I will go to a doctor immediately!” He didn’t have enough time to load the man into the car, so he went straight to the hospital. The man told the doctor what happened, and the doctor said, “You will have to make an incision at the wound and suck the poison out.” The man went back to the other man and said, “There is no hope, you will die.”
When I was younger, I thought that it was cool to use knives because kids used to ask me to use them.
By the way, have you seen my sister?
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.
Then it hit me.
Q: Did you hear about the Twin Towers?
A: No, what happened?
Q: Apparently, the design was fundamentally floored!
What’s worse than dropping your ice cream?
The Holocaust.
Q: What do you call a "Wild Man" or "Wild Woman" on the Moon?
A: A Luna-Tic!
Three boy chihuahua were hot about this girl chihuahua. She tells them, "I will date whichever one of you can use liver and cheese in the same sentence."
First dog says, "I love cheese, but liver is bland."
She replies, "Really original."
Next dog, "I love liver, but cheese makes me constipated."
She replies, "Ew, gross."
Third dog steps up, "Man, liver alone cheese mine."
Winner dog 3.
What’s the difference between cereal and a baby?
I personally think cereal is not nutritious.
What's the difference between Batman and Robin?
Batman can go to the store without robbin'.