The jokes
So, a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "Alright, so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke." So the guy says, "So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink." The bartender says, "Okay, here you go." So he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink.
Knock knock.
- Who's there?
- The doorbell repairer.
One day, a snail got robbed by two turtles.
The cops arrived and arrested the woman for killing her cheating husband, and the son was sent to child services. (Moral - no one cares about the frkn snail and turtles!)
Why did the Roman eat pizza? He felt like it.
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
What was the last thing to go through JFK's mind?
A bullet.
What did grandpa say before he died in the hospital bed?
"Boy, could you put my phone on charging?"
When was the first Black Friday?
1619.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?
At least Hitler actually did something.
Why did the kid fall off the swing? He had no arms.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
The cabinet had sleeping pills.
Where does a pianist go on vacation?
The Florida Keys.
I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where I should put my pants. "Next to mine" was not the answer I was expecting.
What is scarier than a pile of dead babies?
The bottom one ate its way out!
It was mealtime on a small airline and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or No," she replied.
It was dinner in the plane, and the flight attendant asked the passenger if he would like dinner.
"What are my choices?" the passenger said.
"Yes or no," the flight attendant replied.
Once I went to a museum and overheard someone speaking to an employee for information.
"These are lying clocks; they tell how many lies a person tells."
"Oh, cool."
"This is Mother Teresa's clock; the clock hasn't moved because she never lied."
"Makes sense."
"This is Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands only moved twice, indicating he only lied twice."
"Where's Trump's clock?"
"Oh, we're using it as a ceiling fan."
And then I burst out laughing 'cause it's so true.
People are making end of the world jokes, like there's no tomorrow.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there?
Not Susie.