The jokes

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My dad said he'd be back later after he walked out the door with a suitcase.

Who takes a suitcase to the grocery store? Silly daddy!

I finally got my wife to shut up.

Who knew all I had to do was bury her alive all these years, ha! Try telling me to get my feet off the couch now, Karen!

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    • I heard they're making a film about Jimmy Savile, it's a very touchy subject.

    I heard the film about is so boring it puts you to sleep.

    Roses are blood red, violets are twilight-hued; your blood was delectable, and so was the rest of you.

    A mom says to her son: "Hey, can you wave to that deaf kid over there?"

    The son: "I don't know, can I?"

    The mom: "May you?"

    The son: "No, I don't have any arms!"

    Teacher: *calls you up to the board*. You: Ok. *Gets intense boner* *has to fart really bad* You: F***!!!!!!!

    Yo' mama sometimes always happens to let you know you're back in New York -- like the way people order in a restaurant: "Could you take my order before Jesus gets back? What's the matter with you? I've evolved into another species here, you understand? I can't eat clam chowder no more. I gotta see the cyborg menu, you understand?"

    Yo' mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.

    Why was the dog staying in the shade?

    Because it didn't want to be a hot dog!

    A cow was walking down the road, and it saw a beautiful cloud in the sky, so it said, "That is an a-moo-zing cloud!"