The jokes
Once I heard a joke about chocolate the other day.
It wasn't that funny.
So I just Snickered.
What do you call skeletons having sex?
When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.
What do you call security outside a Samsung store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.
"You gave me the same sweater as last year."
"You s w e a t e r believe it."
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack.
I always hit on 16, then get busted.
"The f*** am I even doing here?"
Yo mama so hairy that when she go to the hair salon they say, "No pets allowed."
What did the mustard say to the ketchup at the race?
Why did the skeleton not go to prom?
He had no body to go with. XD
So, a guy walked into the store and said to the worker: "Is this free?"
Then the worker said: "Nope, 'cause I'm on sale!"
What are the similarities between Stephen Hawking and a bull?
They both charge.
Why did the hipster burn his tongue?
He sipped his coffee before it was cool.
A lady weightlifter goes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I have a confession." The doctor asks, "What is that?" She replies, "I've been using steroids and....I think I've grown a penis." The doctor looks at her and asks, "Anabolic?" There's an awkward silence then she replies, "No, just a penis."
Why can orphans type? Because they can’t find the home row.
What is the last thing that goes through a fly's head when it hits the windshield?
Its butt.
A bass drum is the boss.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
The chicken was in 666 pieces after being molested by Gerard brutally with a rail gun covered in spears covered in his lymph. His beak was ripped open and shoved in his feet after glass shards were shoved into his eyes until they came out the other side. His feet were nailed to the ground.
Why did the mushroom kill himself?
Because he had a mushy life.
My peepee small.
Where did the mushroom kill himself?
In the mushroom.
You're so damn ugly that the robbers only go into your house to close the blinds.