The jokes
A priest, a pedo, and a rapist walk into a bar and that's just the first guy.
Two priests are in a bar. One says to the other priest, "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."
Why is the sun lit?
Because it has much solar.
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
How do you punch 40 kids in the face at once? Hit them with a “Sandy Hook”.
What did the skeleton say to the other skeleton? "You're dead to me."
Why did Sally fall off the swing?
Because there's too many jokes about Sally.
What did the butcher say to the pig?
Nice to meat you.
Why is the bald eagle bald?
Because it has no hair.
It has feathers. LOL.
I always look at the earth and think, "Ahh, this is TREE-ific!"
😥This is offensive, sorry: What did the king say to his royal steed? "You gonna start the dishwasher or what?"
Q: Why did the chip run away?
A: His saucy friend tried to jizz on him.
Two husbands walk into a bar.
The first one says, "My wife is an angel."
The second one says, "You're lucky, mine is still alive."
What room does a ghost not want to be in?
The living room.
Why was the Burnside Bridge so hot?
Because it's on the burning side.
Has anybody heard of the guy who passed out in the middle of oncoming traffic? Yeah, he was tired.
What did the cell say when it was dividing?
"It's not you, it's me."
A 23 year old priest walks into a high school with an automatic weapon. He tells those who believe in God to stand up and leave.
To the children who don't leave, he says, "Do not worry my children, I shall make thou 'hole-y' as well."
He then proceeds to shoot all of the students left.
I slip on the wet floor, haha silly water :)
-Kachow!!!!!!!!!!!
-LMQ, You know what comes before lighting? THUNDER KACHIGA
What’s the difference between a mushroom and a tree?
One's a fucking tree.