The jokes
A neighbor went up to me and asked me where my parents were. When I said, "In the bed," my neighbor said, "Oooooohh, how long is the penis?" I said, "Wait here," and I interrupted my parents while they were doing some "business" and asked my dad the exact question he said. Then he spanked me.
When you're mean to the quiet kid in your class and he kills everyone, good times.
My uncle died in the 9/11 attacks. He was the best pilot I had ever met.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high, pulled down his fly, and said, "Jill do you wanna?" Jill said yes, pulled up her dress, and then they had some fun. But stupid Jill forgot the pill so now they have a son.
How are babies and the elderly similar?
They are both fun to throw out of moving cars.
Person A: C'mon person B, just be happy, smile.
Person B: Over my dead body.
Person B: *gets the noose*
Doctor, what is wrong with me?
You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.
Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?
He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.
Oh wait.
You fool!
I just finished my fourth round of baby back ribs. For some reason, everyone else at the abortion center is staring at me.
What is the difference between babies and dogs?
I don't eat dog parts.
How are babies and watermelons similar?
They are both fun to smash open with a sledgehammer and eat the insides.
An elderly man was happy to finally see his wife again and was packing. He told everyone about the trip.
"I will see her in one week!"
A week later, he died.
A short person should never piss off a fat person taller than them. The fat person just has to lean slightly, and it's 9/11 all over again.
The other day someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.
Tell all the skeleton jokes you want, but I've got thick skin.
What do you do to 7 to make it even? Take off the "s".
Today at the bank, an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.
Yo mama so dumb, she sold her car for gas money.
Yo mama so poor the ducks throw bread at her.
Your mama so old, her first Christmas was the first Christmas!
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because its uncles were all aunts!