The jokes
A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.
Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"
I like my boo like I like my packages: straight out of the box.
Why is the moon always hungry? It is almost never full.
Cancer is the best thing ever! Hahah, fuck all you cancer patients!
The nearest approximation to a perpetuum mobile would be a Swabian chasing a Scot because of money.
(Swabians are the Scots of Germany regarding finances.)
A young girl was playing in the park with her mother when she asked the question, "Mummy, what's that building over there?" The mother looked at the prison, smiled, and said, "That's where the cotton pickers live."
Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"
Why did the mushroom get a new house?
Because there wasn’t mushroom!
How did the cow break up with the other cow? He said he moo-ved on.
So, Dora is having a sleepover with her cousin Diego at Dora's house. Later that night, Dora's mom hears someone screaming, "Go Diego go!" for at least a couple of minutes, and then it stops, and she goes back to sleep.
But then she hears the same thing a couple of minutes later, so she walks in and hears "Go Diego go!" She walks over to Diego's sleeping bag and looks, and it's empty, so she walks over to Dora's sleeping bag and looks in and sees Dora getting f
... by Diego and hears Dora saying, "Go Diego go!" while moaning.
When a plane is having turbulence, it’s just the pilot shaking the steering.
Why is the iPhone X best for orphans?
There is no home button.
Why did the skeleton start a fight? Because he had a bone to pick.
What's the best thing about a blowjob?
- The silence.
Why's it called a Caesar Salad?
'Cause Caesar ruled the romaines.
When you look at the sun, it's like looking at me.
What is the similarity between women and freezers?
We like to put our meat in them.
We have invented the spade! This is groundbreaking!
Why did the cow eat?
Because it was hungry.
What did the knight say when he went to bed?
"Good Knight!" lul