The jokes
I can't see the bee.
It's by the beehive.
What's the difference between a humorous bully and a small van driver?
One takes the Mickey, the other takes the Minnie.
At school, Bobby's classmate tells him some depressing stuff. Later that day, Bobby comes home crying and his mom greets him at the door with "Why are you crying?" Bobby says, "Someone said my grandpa died, but when did he die?" His mom looks him straight in the eye and says, "Depends, which one are you referring to?"
It's ironic that the more other people love you, the more you hate yourself.
"Mommy, mommy, where's my school dress... ewww!"
"Shut up and leave the bedroom."
Two skeletons meet at the graveyard at noon.
"What the heck are you doing here?"
"I couldn't sleep."
The teacher asks her class, "What is sex?" and Little Jonny stands up and says, "Sex is the temptation caused by the sensation when a boy sticks his location into a girl's destination. Did you get my explanation or do you need a demonstration?" and the teacher fainted.
The colors red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they are flashing behind you.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a carrier bag? One is plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other is a carrier bag.
There was once a boy who took a selfie, and the next day became an orphan.
A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,
"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"
What’s the difference between a cat and a dog?
It’s easier to throw a cat against the wall.
You: Did you get the new snoo subscription?
Other: What's snoo?
You: Not much, how 'bout you?
Why did the Chicken cross the road?
It didn’t, it ran because it was running from KFC.
Son: Dad, am I adopted?
Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center, do you really think I would pick you?
Why did the one-armed man cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop.
Where do bunnies go when they're sick?
The hoppital.
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He’s not breathing and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.
“I think my friend is dead!” he yells. “What can I do?”
The operator says, “Calm down. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There’s a silence, then a shot. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what?”
What’s the difference between bossatron5678 and a gay man?
One isn’t retarded, and one isn’t gay; the gay man is dead.