The jokes
What’s the difference from me and a gay person? You.
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence on children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road.
Q. Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
A. Because they hate the taste of their stupid clown wigs, makeup, and retarded shoes.
When you get caught about to shoot up the school,
*slowly puts AR to chin*
What happens when you mess with a farmer? You get the whole ranch.
What does the Bible stand for?
Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth.
Why did the chicken cross the road to go away?
Doctor: What makes you feel depressed?
Me: I used to work at the World Trade Center, before the plane hit.
Doctor: A lot of people fell to pieces after that.
They said I was depressed, I should make an effort to do what I love.
I had to pay a hooker for twelve hours work.
... I felt nothing, but it was nice, being with someone who felt the same.
I only remember my father's last words before he died. He said, "Are you still holding the ladder?"
Why did the bat cross the road? Because to get to the blood bar.
How did the necrophiliac get caught?
Some rotten cunt split on him....
Where did the chef put the disease?
In Ebola.
What did scientists prove when they saw a skeleton on the moon?
The cow didn’t make it.
Sex dolls are alive in the Toy Story universe.
symple: Why did you include me in this fuckery?
symple: And why the fuck am I the profile picture?
angela: Because you are the thot of the group.
symple: Well it takes one to know one.
symple: Aren't Thot jokes just "whore'able?"
angela: FUCK OFF!
So, me and my friend dressed as dead people for Halloween. The only difference in the costume was that he was actually dead.
"Grandma, tell me a story!" I said as we huddled near the campfire.
"Alright," she said, "Once, there was a tree named Timmy, he was my best tree friend. I used to read books under him and climb all his branches."
"Where is Timmy now?" I asked.
Grandma pointed to the campfire.
Do you want to hear a joke about the blunt pencil? Never mind, it's pointless.
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again.