The jokes
What is the best part about Alabama prostitutes?
Family comes first.
What was Hitler's favorite thing to do to pass the time?
Smoking.
What is the most common crime in Asia?
Identity fraud.
What’s the similarities between a pillow and your mom?
They’re both in my bed.
Why was Wacko Jacko willing to write a song for the film Free Willy?
He thought that the film's title was a nice phrase to yell out in primary school playgrounds.
A bus full of ugly people is driving down the street. The bus crashes and everyone goes to heaven. They see Saint Peter, and he feels bad for them and grants them one wish before they go into heaven. The first one says, "I wish to be attractive." The second one says the same.
Meanwhile, the 3rd person in line is giggling and snickering and laughing while Saint Peter is granting wishes. Curiously, he asks why he is laughing. He says, "I was going to wish that they turned ugly again."
What's the difference between a Nazi and an onion? If you cut a Nazi, nobody is crying.
A kid and an apple fall from a tree, who will reach the ground first?
The apple, because the kid is hanging on the tree with a rope.
Who is the most horny and fat ass god?
Kim Jung Un.
How do you know the baby's dead? The dog plays with it more.
My dad told me "No electronics at the table," so I unplugged my grandma's life support.
Where did Sally go when the bomb went off? - Everywhere.
Why can lesbians not drive cars?
They always strap the wrong thing on.
What were the emo kid's pronouns?
Was/were.
ISIS is the mark of the beast.
How do parents punish a blind kid? They rearrange the furniture.
My son came to me depressed, so I pointed to the spare bedroom and said, "Hang in here, son."
What is the number one song played in Columbine High? Smells Like Teen Spirit.
What's the difference between Kelly Clarkson and a Florida real estate agent?
A Florida real estate agent screws over seniors, Kelly Clarkson screws little children.
Can you imagine the last thing that went through the minds of 9/11 victims?
Well, probably the person in front of them.