The jokes
Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-
Your mama so fat the flash died halfway running around her.
A delivery service called “Ross Deliveries” was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?
I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.
If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.
Me: Imagine not having hair.
Kids: On chemo.
Bitch the fuck.
Corona be like:
Eliminating half the population of boomers faster than Thanos.
*snap*
My grandfather has the heart of a lion!! 🦁
In a jar on his desk along with a lifetime ban from the zoo...
Why did the boy put a chicken 🐔 in his garden?
He wanted to grow an eggplant. 😂
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you going to the movies tonight?
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
Social distancing.
I was in the bank one day, and this old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.
It's April Fools' Day. I'm gonna go to the orphanage and tell kids, "Their parents are here to pick them up."
What is the smartest month?
April - No one can fool it.
Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."
What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?
Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.
Why did the toilet paper not make it across the street?
'Cause it got stuck in a pothole!
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.
Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"
What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?
I know how to use an exercise band.
Why did the orphan go to church?
So that they had someone to call father.