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The jokes

What is the difference between whores and nuns?

Nuns usually discover their own chosen vocation. Whores usually have their vocation chosen by pimps.

What is the difference between Princess Diana and my laptop?

When my laptop crashes, I give a s**t.

My favorite joke was: what's the difference between a teacher and a train?

A lady runs into a police station and yells, "Help, help! I've been graped!"

A police officer says, "Do you mean raped?"

The girl then replies, "No, there was a bunch of 'em!"

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    • Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons.

    American: "I won't ever see my dog again!"

    Italian: "I won't ever make pizzas again!"

    German: "Hey, granddad, how have you been?"

    Why is the chicken that crossed the road a cannibal? Because he went to KFC.

    Kid goes to the kitchen.

    Mom: What are you doing here?

    Kid: Just checking out the knife.

    Mom: So you've chosen death.

    Why does an orphan have to go to church? Because that's the only way he can pray for a father.

    What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? A prostitute won't tell you that it is more blessed to give than it is to receive.

    What is the difference between giving money to a prostitute and giving money to a church? You don't get something in return if you give money to a church.

    What is the difference between giving money to a church and giving money to the IRS?

    If you stop giving money to a church, you won't go to prison.

    Why did the Catholic priest suck dick at a glory hole?

    Because someone asked him what he would do for a Klondike bar.

    How do you trick a Catholic priest into using the glory hole at an adult bookstore? Tell him it is a confessional booth.