The jokes
Why is the sun famous? Because it’s a shining star.
Sorry for posting this!
Why did the United Nations stop the French government from using the guillotine in public?
Because the French government was using the guillotine on newborn babies for circumcision.
Okay, One time I there was my dog. But then the dog, it fell.
Then I f**ked my dog hard in the a**.
What did the baker say when he forgot the cookie sheets?
Ooh, snickerdoodles!
When the washer started running, why did you join me?
Because I had to catch it.
Did you hear the one about the deaf person?
Me: No.
That's because they can't hear, so they don't talk.
This boy said, "Get your hairline straight." I said, "Girls don't have a hairline. How about you go to the barber shop and let your barber do your hair 10 times worse than he did the first time."
You want to know the bad thing? Only 5 out of 6 people like Russian roulette.
what's the difference between hitler and you?
one didn't keep posting on twitter about killing themselves.
What's the difference between my dad and the milk man? The milk man comes back with the goddamn milk.
There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.
She really hates it when I spit my food back out.
What’s ten feet long and bald?
The conga line in the cancer ward.
A girl invites her friends to come to her birthday party, and at the party, one of her friends poops their pants.
When Sally finds out, she yells, “I never should have invited you to my party! You are a party pooper!”
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the power point/modem.
Did you know the letter "F" in orphan stands for family?
So I was at high school one day in the bathrooms, and I'm circumcised, and the kid next to me wasn't, so he showed me his pp, and he had a foreskin, so I was just playing with it until the teacher walked in, then I got fired...
What goes up but never past the digits 15?
A Make-A-Wish kid...
China wants their name on everything but the m.f. virus.
Why are fish not sleeping? 'Cause the bed is wet.
Two lions plan their escape from the circus. The night they get out of their cages, they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road.
As one lion gets a bite of leg, the second takes a piece of shoulder.
Then one stops and asks his companion:
"Does this taste funny to you?"