The jokes
Your mom: Your plate is full, that's enough food on your plate.
Me: My plate is not full, I still see the white of the plate.
Why do dwarfs laugh when they run a race? Because the grass tickles their balls.
What do you call a hippopotamus that stands out from the crowd?
A hipster!
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar, and Flour.
What's strong enough for a man but made for a woman?
The back of my hand.
Why can't Jesus play hockey?
He keeps getting nailed to the boards.
What did the dentist say to the butt?
"That's the largest cavity I've ever seen!"
Dog walks into a bar and says, "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."
Why is the orphan so dumb?
Because he didn’t have parents to pay for it.
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a drug dealer?
The prostitute can wash her “crack” and sell it again.
What’s the difference between a Hispanic and a stoner?
A stoner has papers.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Algorithm.
Algorithm who?
Think Algorithm to the store.
Just to get things straight, I'm NOT, I repeat, NOT racist, but this joke goes out to all the people who talk about other people with darker skin than the other person.
Bully: Your skin is so black and ugly (for the 5th time).
Me: I'm so happy you love my skin color!
Bully: Ew, no I don't!
Me: Then why do you keep talking about it?
I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.
Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."
What’s the hardest thing to eat on a vegetable? The wheelchair.
"Yeetus to the fetus."
What did the fat girl say to the donut?
"I'm going to eat you tonight..."