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As the coronavirus pandemic strengthens...

Trump - "Quick, inject yourselves with bleach!"

Also Trump - "I order everyone in America to wear a face mask except for me!"

  • 3

    • One time in the butt. Two times in the butt. Three times in the butt makes a slut hot and wet.

    Why did the butt smell so bad? Because he didn’t have a nose! AND HE FARTED TOO!

    A can of worms popping up and down inside a lot of people and a girl ate the can of worms: It was her imaginenation.

    Cesar: What was that good salad called?

    Servant: Ceaser, Cesar.

    Cesar: Okay, what's going to be the weather like?

    Servant: Hail, Cesar.

    Cesar: Yes, I know "Hail Cesar," but I need to know what the weather's like!

    Servant: Well, it's hail, Cesar.

    Cesar: AHHHHH! Send him to the DUNGEONS! NOW!

    What's the difference between a bicycle?

    A banana, because vests don't have sleeves.

    Did you know that the Royal family like carnivals?

    Princess Diana was really fond of bumper cars.

    Mom: You can't die in the living room, David, so you can stop stabbing and shooting yourself.

    David: I will surpass Kakarot!

    Jordan: *dead on the living room floor*

    A women's knitters group is having a meeting, and they are all pregnant. They all talk about their pregnancies.

    One woman says, "I'm taking vitamin C so my baby has a healthy immune system."

    Another knitter says, "I'm taking folic acid to help my baby's brain."

    Finally, one woman says, "I'm taking Thalidomide!"

    All the women turn to her and say, "Thalidomide! Don't you know your baby could be born without arms?"

    The woman shrugs her shoulders and says, "I don't know how to knit arms."

    The other day I was in the park and got bored, so I found an orphan and punched him in the face, laughed at him, and said, "Whatcha gonna do, tell your parents?"