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The jokes

On April 1st, there was a baby born in the hospital when the doctor, out of sudden, directly takes the baby from the mother and smashes as hard as he can to the wall.

The mother crying and yelling, "What did you do? You killed my Baby!! Why did you kill my Baby?"

The doctor just laughs and says, "April, April, it was already dead."

Hahaha

There was a cowboy riding in a desert when he saw a little girl up ahead. He heard her crying, so he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her: "Hey, what's going on? Why do you cry? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The Indians came, killed my father and my mother, and raped my sister."

The cowboy just laughed, unlocked his belt, and pulled his trousers down and said, "Guess it isn't your day, is it?"

My family chastises me for MY job, but you should hear how my family provides "customer service" at their jobs. My mother works as a social worker and answers the phone like, "DYFS, you beat em, we treat em." My grandmother is a Medical Examiner and she answers the phone like, "City Morgue, you kill em, we chill em." These bitches have no class! I'm an actress and studio secretary. When you call the studio, I answer the phone professionally like, "Good afternoon. IHOP, International House Of Pussy. Creampie Cassie speaking."

Q. What's the difference between my phone battery and an anti-vax kid?

A. Nothing, they both die at ten.

So, I was watching YouTube, and then my friend says, "Those videos never get old." I replied, "Just like a Make-A-Wish kid." After I said that, he shot me in the head and said, "And now neither do you." Now I’m in Heaven, and God says to me, "Welcome to Paradise where it is summer days, clear skies," and I said, "Are there summer women?" Now here I am in Hell with my buddy Hitler. I believe he’s a hero after he killed Hitler.

Yo mama so fat, she stand on the scale and the scale says: "I want your weight, not your phone number!"

Why did the cow cross the road?

'Cause he wanted to go to a moooooooooooooooooooooooovie.

What is the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie? He doesn't walkie or talkie.

The village people said that they need their idiot back; you better get going!

You know what's the worst about having a daughter with cancer?

You can't pull her hair when you hit it from the back.

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    • The waiter asked me, "How would you like your steak?"

    I replied, "As soon as possible!"

    Why did Susie fall off the swing?

    Because she had no arms.

    "Knock knock."

    "Who's there?"

    "Not Susie!"

    A hot girl wants to commit suicide and jump from a bridge when an ugly, smelly, homeless weirdo walks up to her. And he says, "Hey you hot babe, let's fuck." She just answers, "Get the fuck away you ugly bastard." The guy just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

    What did the Army soldier say after he got his legs fixed?

    Afgan-I-Stand.