The jokes

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Why does a woodpecker have a beak?

So as to not smash his head against the tree.

An American goes on a British bus after being in war. He wants to sit down, so he goes to the back of the bus to sit down, but there is an old woman on the seat with her dog in the next one.

The man says, "Will you move your dog?"

The lady says, "Oh, you Americans are always so demanding," and she says to sit somewhere else. He goes through and finds no seats, so now he's at the back again. This time he throws the dog out the window and sits down.

The man in front says, "You Americans always do things wrong. First, you drive on the wrong side of the road, then hold you knife and fork wrong, and you threw the wrong bitch out the window!"

I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.

What did an orange say the day before going to work?

"Back to the rind!"

What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

A baby with burst armbands.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

I will never forget my grandfather's last words: “The fuck you doing with that knife?”

  • 2

    • I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."

  • 3

    • I watched the series of "Unfortunate Events" 4 times, all the shows 4 times. I am crying. I am trying to finish the rest, then my brother comes in and says it is PG (Parental Guidance). After that, my brother called me a baby, then he pushed me off my bed. 😭

    Biden: Shut up, Trump, disrespectful!

    President: You are the one with the inappropriate hair touching, bro. 😎😎😎😎😎😎

    Biden: -laughs hard because sloppy Joe can't do anything.