The jokes
----> [] get in the door.
Me: *in a family meeting*
Mom: Ok guys...
Me in my mind: BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA
Why can't orphans close their video games?
Because they can't find the home button.
I will give you all the fine chicks you want. Just dial this number: 313-974- tap that ass from Hooters strip club.
Your computer just went in my bathroom and took a shit because you put too much chili in the bowl.
Did you just fart a minute ago in the dumpster? I can tell you probably had a mud burrito for breakfast.
I just took an orange soda bath this morning. The next thing I knew, it turned out to be a river of Orange Crush.
This morning, I was in the kitchen, and I saw a whole bunch of leftover brownies made from scratch. I just tasted one and spit it out because somebody put some goddamn weed in them, what the fuck!
What is the difference between chocolate and sex?
I would rather eat the chocolate first and then make love.
This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.
One day a mom who looked like a pig broke the car down.
What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball?
"Echhh!"
Doctor: Hands husband his baby.
Doctor: I'm sorry but your wife didn't make it.
Husband: Then give me the one she made.
Why did the Mexican take the tamale to the hospital?
Tamlito.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass is tickling their ballsacks!
I hate you—if you look at the first letters of the words, you'll know what I mean.
Interfischl
Happy
Apple
Tea
Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Why was the ant so confused? Because all his uncles were ants.
Yo mama so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven.
Bf: Babe, do you love me?
Gf: Of course, why do you ask?
Bf: I heard that your mom passed away, and I went to pick some roses for you to try to cheer you up, and then I remembered why I went to the garden.
If you take your dog for a walk and you BOTH use the fire hydrant down at the corner...you might be a Redneck!