The jokes

A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.

If you were to ask me, "Where would be the worst place to commit a crime?" I would say a multi-storey car park, because if you think about it, it would be wrong on so many levels.

Prank phone calls. I did this prank last week. I picked the not so big businesses and places to do prank phone calls: Burger King, JCPenney's, and neighbors. I will tell you what I said.

Me: "Hello, this is... Zariana and I am from New York." Burger King staff: "Well we work in Florida." Me: "Good, now I want a large cake with some salad... with some eggnog... and some baby food." Burger King: "We don't serve any of that, ma'am." Me: "And I want it to go, please!" Burger King staff: "Sorry ma'am, we don't ha-" And I hung up on him right before he could say "have." Now JCPenney's ordering.

Me: "Hello, this is Trina from South Carolina." JCPenney's register: "Yes, what can I do for you, ma'am?" Me: "Excuse me?" JCPenney's register: "I was asking if there is anything you need help with, ma'am." Me: "Sorry, I can't hear you... what!" JCPenney's register: "WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO ORDER, MA'AM?" Me: "I still can't hear you! Say that again!!!" JCPenney's register: "Ma'am, can you hear correctly?" Me: "YES, I CAN... NOW YOUR GOING TO BODY SHAME THEN I WILL GIVE YOU A 1 STAR RATTING!!!!!!" JCPenney's register: "No ma'am, I was just saying tha-" Hung up.

Next one was on my neighbors, Mrs. Jarkinson. Me: "Hello, sorry to bother you, but do you know what this word means: fhermkrekm?" Mrs. Jarkinson: "What, who is this?" Me: "Ummm... Mrs. Keris!" Mrs. Jarkinson: "So what does what word mean again?" Me: "fnjfnjrfnjr!" Mrs. Jarkinson: "What!!!" Me: "fnjefnj" Mrs. Jarkinson: SO SORRY WHAT!!!!!!! Me: "Never mind!" Hehehe! Hung up on her now Mr. Morris.

Me: "Hola Sr. Morris, que pasa?" Mr. Morris: "Sorry, what, I don't speak Spanish!" Me: "Está bien ... di que no me hagas caso, ¡solo necesito ayuda!" Btw I used a translator app and I learned really quickly! Mr. Morris: "What does that even mean!" Me: "Sí señor, veo dónde está su cabeza, pero ¿cómo se hace algún libro? ¿Me parece muy difícil? Jejejeje!" Mr. Morris: WHAT DOES THIS EVEN MEAN THOUGH!!! Me: "No señor, no se rinda en el primer intento de ballet! Debería ser fácil ... di de qué te quejas? Oh sorry I have to go!" Mr. Morris: "Wait, but what does tha-"

I bet you're wondering how I got these phone calls remembered, well I recorded them! I don't know how but I did. Btw not Spanish just learned really quickly.

Hola! This is when I pranked my mom! I took a fake lobster and put it in the toilet. The fake lobster was in your attic, used for lobster parties, but anyway, I put the fake lobster in the toilet, so when my mom comes in she will find it and overreact to it. Well, she did not overreact, she FREAKED OUT OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First she screamed and then she looked at it and she saw it was fake. laterrrrrrr that's the prankster!

How many clickbait articles does it take to change a lightbulb? The answer may shock you!

So my dad walks into a bar and there was a hooker and a child. I was with him and they both approached us and they said only £50 for head but it was a little weird that the child was talking to my dad and the hooker was talking to me. I was about to say something but my dad pushed me over and my friend's uncle killed my dad.

The kid was never seen again. Her name was Madeleine McCann. I think I'm the only one who knows where she is, but overall the head from the hooker was good.

Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.

My grandfather has been through a lot in his time. When he was in the war, he survived a mustard gas attack. And later down the line, he survived being pepper sprayed by the police. He was certainly a real seasoned veteran.

Yo mama so stupid, she couldn't comment on this website because she didn't know the 2x4 check!

"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."

"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"

I have a friend who recently stopped smoking, and the withdrawal was causing hallucination. He went to my house and thought there was a shark in the pond in my backyard. So, I would like to dedicate these lyrics to my friend: "I see a dreamer over there by the water!"

Hi guys, I'm back, and YES, two jokes/blogs in one day. I KNOW. I just have nothing to do!!! So today I'm going to tell you how to get what you want from your parents!!! And there will be a joke at the end too. Enjoy!

So the prank that I have for you guys today is, make sure you have glue, dye, and a toothbrush that is not yours >:) So you are going to put the dye in the glue and then put the glue on the toothbrush and give it to your sibling and say, "Here. I got your toothbrush ready for you." Then, make sure they take it. Once they take it, run so that they cannot hit you once they taste it.

Thanks for reading this prank today guys!!! I hope it works out for you, and I can't wait to hear what happens with you guys in the comments below, so make sure to comment and tell me what happened when you pulled this prank!! Sorry, Prankster, if this is offensive to you since you do pranks too. I will not do them anymore if you don't want me to :) Thanks for reading guys, and here is that joke I told you about :)

Yo mama is so fat, when she got in the car, the wheels popped.

So I know this was not the best joke, and I can do better, but I will keep trying and see you guys next time! Bye!!! :)