The jokes
A man went into a library and asked for a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian said, "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
If you own a gun and you live in the USA, hide your gun upstairs. Biden can't get it.
Biden: *falls over on steps*
I was watching my son play at the park, and a lady asked me, "Which one is yours?" And for fun, I said, "I don't know, I'm still choosing."
Why can Chinese people play baseball?
Because they ate the bat.
Why are Chinese people bad at baseball?
Because they ate the bases.
Yo mama so tall, she was next to Neil Armstrong on the moon.
There will be no school shooter joke today in honor of the 10 people killed in the Colorado grocery store shooting. R.I.P.
How do you put a baby in the blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?
How do you get it out? Tortilla chip.
How do you put a baby in a blender feet first so you can see its facial expressions?
How do you get the baby out? With a tortilla chip!
Orphan jokes are funny to explore, especially with the family.
Your forehead is so clear, like the Liberty Bell manual in 1876.
#NoMoreOrphanJokes STOP IT NOW! I will dislike all the orphan jokes that appear.
The police told everyone to put their hands up, and the police were having fun waving their hands around.
Little Johnny and his dad were going to buy a horse.
Dad: Rubbing on the horse’s chest and butt.
Little Johnny: What are you doing?
Dad: Checking to see if the horse is healthy so I can buy it.
Little Johnny: Oh well, I think the mall man wants to buy mom.
A father awaits the birth of his first child.
The obstetrician says, "Unfortunately, he has no arms."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
But the obstetrician adds, "It is also without legs, trunk, head."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
Then the obstetrician confessed to him, "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
And the obstetrician says, "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!"
The only time that cows will make noise is when they are in the moooo-d.
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, "WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!" A man in the back responds, "YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!"
Hey, what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up.
What does the penis say to the condom? "Cover me I'm going inside."
A robber held up a depressed kid at gun point.
The depressed kid took the gun, and said, "I'll do it myself."