The jokes
When you’re playing dead and the school shooter starts unbuckling his belt and you hear him say, “This boy always had a fat ass.”
The Americans.
Julie: What's the difference between a chimp and a pizza?
John: I don't know.
Julie: Remind me not to send you to the store...
Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?
So he could make a clean getaway!
What do you call the mushy stuff between sharks' teeth?
A slow swimmer...
What did the mouse say after its bath?
"I feel squeaky clean!"
Where do smart hotdogs end up?
On the honor roll!
What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
Put them in a barking lot!
Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.
Q: Who are the fastest readers? A: Twin Tower victims, they got 80 stories in ten seconds.
What do you do when you finish a magazine at school? Put another one in and continue!
What are the best shooting ranges in America?
Schools.
Why did the baby cross the road?
It was stapled to the chicken.
What's the difference between orphans and apples?
Apples get picked.
There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."
Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.
When the school shooter pulls the fire alarm, and the autistic kid thinks it’s a rave party.
Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?
Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.
In case there's a school shooting, the teachers can help out and shoot the kids.
I didn’t know Stephen Hawking died. Oh god, it must have been when I disconnected the Wi-Fi!
I know how unicorns make babies. The dad puts his horn in the girl's butt hole.