The jokes
A 28 year old woman, Olga, in Meshchovsk, Russia took justice into her own hands when a 32 year old male robber, Viktor, decided to rob her salon. She tied him, feeding him only Viagra, having sex with him over and over. After a few days, she released him after he stated he learned his lesson and wouldn't go to the police. He lied and went to the police anyways. Both were arrested.
After his sentence was over, Viktor sat down to speak to the local news. The reporter asked Viktor, "How was this whole ordeal?" Viktor replied, "I've had better."
What's a benefit of being an orphan? The chips always come in a family size :)
What do orphans call a family photo? A selfie.
"My sister said she was the only smart one in the class."
"What about the teacher you learn *from*?"
What did the left butt cheek say to the right butt cheek? "Together we can stop this shit!"
A couple has sex in the dark every single night.
One night, the wife gets curious about what goes on, so they start f...ing, and she flicks the light on. When she flicks the light on, she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy. She's so mad that she started ranting and raving. The husband says, "Honey, I know you're mad, and I'll explain the toy. Just do me one favor: explain the children."
Hi, this is a good prank I did.
So, my brother LOVES his phone and so... I put it in the toilet and then flushed it, but it wouldn't go down. So, then I gave it to him and he threw it and then it broke. HAHAHAHAHAHA
(Prankster, tell me if you don't like me doing pranks because it is your thing.)
Bye guys! I hope you liked this prank! (And his phone did not really break, it just cracked really bad lol)
When the school shooter gets killed and everyone is cheering, but you walk toward his gun; "I will finish what you started."
Yo mama so fat, when she joined NASA, they put her in orbit and the next day there was a lunar eclipse.
You know how they said weight people can't jump? Check out the 9/11 videos.
Hello, I am the WJE (WORST JOKES EVER) Bot. Like this post if you think it's good; dislike if you think it's bad!
Ever heard the saying white people can’t jump??
Well, I think that’s total bullshit. You should have seen us on 9/11!
The most confusing day of my life was when I found out my toaster was waterproof.
Robber 1: *gets shot in ass*
Robber 2: You have to shit in a bag for life lol.
Robber 1: What, the Tesco or Asda one?
A transgender woman with cancer of the tits only has to pay for half the operation.
My aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said, "If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or it's useless, throw it away."
The next time my aunt visited, she said, "Where is your daughter?"
My mom said, "I took your advice."
What's the difference between twin towers and McDonald's?
One had a drive thru and the other had a fly thru.
Why was the piano waiting at the front door?
Because it forgot which key to use!
Why did the cowboy put his bunk in the fireplace?
'Cause he wanted to sleep like a log!
That moment when you think the music is loud enough to fart and no one would notice, but then you realize that you have headphones on.
What did the bee say to the flower?
"Hey bud! When do you open?"