The jokes
I was sad, so I called the depression hotline. Turns out the depression hotline is where people roast you until you are depressed.
I was invited into a celebrity's house, that's what I told the cops at least...
What happens to Mary Poppins when the wind dies down?
*Mary Poppins seen falling in background*
What is not the definition of prostitution?
A dumb blonde that got money for babysitting. Does it cycle now?
Why did Germany win World War Two? Wait—that's not right... um... excuse me while I look up who won the war...
*disconnected*
Officer: "Stay back soldiers, minefield!"
Soldier: "Let's clear the field!"
Officer: "Ok!"
*silence*
*explosion*
I must have at least 87 years of bad luck; every time I look in the mirror, it breaks!
I looked in the mirror yesterday. I still have nightmares...
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
Last night I had the strangest dream!
I sailed away to China!
And I caught the coronavirus!
You said you needed to wash your hands!
Didn't want no one else to touch you! What does that mean?!
And you said!!
Ain't nothing gonna break my lungs 😤!
Ain't no way of slowing Covid down!
Oh no I've got to keep on coughing!!!
I called the rape advice line last night. Turns out it's just for victims.
Which is redder: a baby or a red car? It depends on how the baby was killed!
What do dead babies and fruit have in common? Both can become smoothies with the help of a blender!
What is the difference between a dead baby and an orphan?
The dead baby happened on purpose while the orphan came out as an accident!
Three men were going for a drive through the desert. An hour later, the car breaks down. They all take something from the car to keep themselves cool as they walk to the nearest gas station a few miles back.
One guy grabs a hand-held fan. Another guy grabs the jug of water. The last guy takes the car door off. About 15 minutes into walking, the other two are giving the one guy weird looks. Finally, one of them asks why he is taking the car door. The third guy just replies that whenever he gets hot he can just roll down the window.
Yo momma's so short that she fell off the toilet and broke her leg.
Yo Mamma's so ugly, she made One Direction turn into the other direction!
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
Roblox Talent Shows be like:
Host: Next Up is Bob!
Bob: Hi! I'll be singing Pian-
*Buzzing Noises*
Judges: You suck!
Bob: I'm reporting!
*Bob get's kicked from the server*
What is the difference between peanut butter and a dead baby? One sticks to the roof of your mouth, while the other one doesn't!